


Trophy Wife

by ghostlyandcoastly



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 18:01:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17923670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostlyandcoastly/pseuds/ghostlyandcoastly
Summary: This is a Trophy Wife x West Wing AU with Josh & Donna (if you’re unfamiliar with Trophy Wife it’s a sitcom that Bradley Whitford starred in a couple years ago where he’s married to a young hot blond born in Canada… and I couldn’t resist) It’s doesn’t follow the Trophy Wife cannon exactly but it certainly serves as inspiration. Will include a character guide at the end of the first chapter





	1. Chapter One:The Bar, The ER, and The Bedroom

Okay.

Freeze.

Let’s examine the picture we have here.

A young hot blond, wearing an outfit meant for a club, certainly not for  _ here,  _ sits next to a man a decent amount older than her with a receding hairline, adorable dimples, and a bloody nose. He is smiling at the group of people who just ran in. The young hot blond looks shocked.

That hoard of people who just stampeded into the ER waiting room heading right for the odd couple? One very pregnant blond woman. One taller man next to her. One young chubby asian boy. One mixed race four year old in pajamas. One youngish girl texting on her phone, a boy with braces and a Game of Thrones shirt looking her same age standing next to her. A teenage girl flinging her arms about to fling herself into the dimpled older man’s arms. Just entering the doors is a tall woman in a classy suit looking frazzled.

Before we go unfreeze and see how this plays out,  _ I’m _ the young hot blond. And the man with the bloody nose? That would be my one night stand.

Unfreeze.

“Heeeyy, you guys! What are you doing here?” He directs this at the pregnant woman who begins to move her hands quickly. The tall man next to her watches and starts speaking.

“As you know, Hogan was babysitting for us and she texted us that you were in the hospital so we raced back home and grabbed the kids to come here.” And all of a sudden all at once  _ everyone is talking _ . And the tall lady finally caught up to the group and doesn’t look even a little overwhelmed.

“Joshua! What happened!?” Tall lady.

“Daddy look at my spider pants.” Small boy.

“Oh my god, are you bleeding on me?” Teenage girl.

“Blood!? Oh no. I feel a little queasy.” Boy with braces.

“Hey- everybody, I’m fine. Just a little accident.” One night st- I mean,  _ Josh. _

“Can we go now?” Girl on phone.

“Seriously, I feel green.” Boy with braces. Again.

“Dad dad dad dad dad daaaad.” Big boy.

All of this is happening at once and that’s just what I manage to pick up on. I start to register the fact that THESE ARE HIS CHILDREN. And one of these women might be his wife. Oh my god. I am so screwed. The noise level is reaching levels I didn’t think was possible. And then with one shrill whistle everyone stopped and turned to our left.

To our left stood a woman with short dark hair, in a white coat and holding a clipboard. Looking very stern and intimidating.

“You idiot. What did you do this time?” Doctor Lady says. Josh groans loudly.  “Oh, shut up.” She takes his face and appears to be examining him. “Well it’s definitely broken.”

“Mandy…” Josh whined.

“Really, Josh. What’d you do?” Apparently her name is Mandy.

“Yeah, how did this happen?” Tall lady adds.

“Uhh…” Josh looks over at me. And I feel my face get red. And everyone is looking at me. Oh god.

“Who is this?” Mandy asks Josh. As if I’m not, you know, right in front of her.

“This is Donna. Donna, these are my kids… and my ex wives.” He’s cringing.

And there must be something fucked up with me because I’m relieved that he says  _ ex _ wives. Instead of, you know, being mortified that I just had really good sex that ended in being injured with this three-times divorced dad of  _ five kids  _ (and that’s just the ones I know about right now!) _. _ And speaking of that amazing sex that led to a bloody nose…

“So what happened?” The tall man asks.

“Oh, uh…”

“I fell over while drunkenly singing karaoke and hit him with the microphone on accident.” I am really very good at lying. He looks at me with surprise then smiles.

“Oh, great story. Let’s fix this.” Mandy says, putting her hands by Josh’s nose. “Okay, kids look away.” SNAP. The kids didn’t look away. Not that she’d given them much time to do so.

“EUUHHHGGGhh. Madeline!” Josh groans in pain. I give him a sympathetic smile and oddly enough it seems to help. He has very nice eyes. I’m able to drown out the cacophony of noise that was his family that had started back up again by looking into those eyes.

“Hey… do you wanna get a cup of coffee sometime?”

I should have ran. But he was cute and funny and good in bed and kind and looked like he loved his kids a lot and he was challenging and interesting and witty. Also did I mention the sex? It was really good. So I nodded.

“Great, I’m free Tuesdays, Thursdays and every other weekend.” We’re both grinning like idiots.

Let’s just revisit the how we got here.

Rewind.

  
  


Play.

“I am so tired of men!” My best friend, Ginger, exclaims.

“Same! Let’s toast to crushing men!” I exclaim.

It’s a Thursday night at 8:30pm and we’re currently in a bar getting hammered as per break up tradition. I’d just been dumped by a man named Todd who works in insurance. He wasn’t even interesting! Why did I date him? Ugh. Ginger and her on-again, off-again boyfriend had broken up two weeks ago. We went out then too but it wasn’t in the true spirit of the tradition as I couldn’t pick up a man for the night because I was dating stupid.

“UUUUgh. They’re the worst. They only care about themselves.” I complain.

“And  _ forget _ finding the clitoris.” Ginger adds.

“But blowjobs! Those are necessary to a good relationship! It’s fine! We can just get ourselves off in the bathtub after I manage to crawl out from under them because they finished and fell asleep!” I pipe in, ignoring the look from the bartender clearly wanting me to keep it down.

“Sounds like you’ve met shitty men.” My neck snaps over to the man drinking two seats down.

“Excuse me?” I slur a little bit, glaring at him. He smiles. OH! Dimples! Yay! My drunk brain likes his dimples.

“Nothin’- just overheard you cursing all mankind, which by all means, go for. But I think you’ve met some poor representatives.” He is smirking.

“Oh, yeah? What would you be, dimples? The good representative?” I stare him down.

“Well, I am a democrat.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“The men you’re describing.. They sound like republicans.” Oh, he is very arrogant. And I haven’t decided whether it’s a turn on or a reason to splash my drink in his face. It doesn’t help that I remember that the past three men I’ve slept with/dated have indeed been republicans.

“So you’re saying that because you’re a democrat you’re a better lay.” I laugh at him.

“Well… among other reasons, sure.” Okay. It’s a turn on. The look he’s giving me is steamy but I haven’t seen him ogle my body the way the other men would have. He was looking me in the eyes. He seemed amused but he also seemed…  _ hot _ . He’s older than me for sure- but it’s not like I’ve not been down that road before.

“Well, I’ll guess we’ll never know.” I smile at him. I do see the second of hesitation and uncertainty about whether I’ve just rejected him. But I don’t turn away. I can hear Ginger flirting with the bartender so I’m not worried about her.  He moves in closer when he picks up on the fact that I haven’t taken my eyes off of him.

“Eh. We could. We would wait til you sober up. Then I’d take you to my place. And you’ll forget about those republican gomers and I can guarantee you’d be the one to fall asleep after you’ve… finished, many, many times.” He was whispering in my ear by this time. I don’t know the last time I’ve been this turned on. It’s not just what he’s saying. It’s his tone. It’s the way he’s positioned, protecting me and caging me in at the same time. I normally would have found it disquieting. But this, this is different.

“Why wait?” I say in my most sultry voice. I can see the lust race through his body. At least I’m not the only one affected.

“Because I’m not that kind of guy.” He whispers. Ah. Consent  _ is _ sexy.

“I’ll take a coffee.” I tell the bartender. He’s too occupied with Ginger though. Which is good because I’m pretty sure this bar doesn’t sell coffee.

  
  


Dimples and I ended up at the McDonalds across the street. I got a coffee and chicken nuggets and a McFlurry to dip those nuggets in. I’m drunk. It’s fine. Josh got a small fry. I have now stolen most of them. I am surprised at the fun we’re having even as I sober up. In the parking lot, he convinces me to do some of those intoxication tests- like walk in a straight line and do the alphabet backwards. It also ended up being fun. I don’t know why. His presence just made me smile. That and his quips. The less fuzzy my brain became the better our verbal sparring became and it was the oddest foreplay I’ve ever done.

An hour later, I’m in his bed. He’s lazily stroking my back as I calm down from the orgasm I just had. He had only finished once- at the beginning of our encounter. After disposing the condom, he bounced back into the room and led me to three more orgasms. I could feel he was hard again. I had offered to go down on him but he refused, citing my earlier complaints at the bar about mankind. So he led me to the brink twice more.

“You…” I’m still panting a bit. “You were right.” I whisper as sexy as I can. I feel his response in addition to seeing his eyes perk up. Those are three words he seems to like… a lot.

“About what?” He kisses me. When he pulls back, I feel a little dazed. He raises his eyebrow.

“Oh, uh. The democrat thing. You are a better lay.” I tell him honestly and pretty much not in the sexy way I had intended to say it originally. However, that doesn’t seem to bother him because he’s moved down my body between my legs again, attaching his tongue to my sex.

An orgasm later, he’s inside me, from behind. And here’s where our really good sex turns… dangerous. It may have been my fault. I was on my hands and knees, staring at the headboard.

“Harder. More. Harder.” I’m moaning at him. He seems to like a challenge. And he followed my commands. Unfortunately (or fortunately in the moment at least) I was starting to orgasm again and did not have as good of a purchase on holding myself up. And wham-my head went into headboard.

“Oh!” I exclaimed. It hurt. Not terribly. But Josh was immediately very concerned and leaned over to make sure I was okay, pulling out. However, I did not realize where he was in time and picked my head up swiftly right smack into his nose.

From there, we both were apologizing trying to find clothes. He was bleeding quite a bit. And I had a tiny little cut on my forehead which he seemed very concerned over. Insisting on going to the hospital. Which in turn I threw back at him.

Which explains why I had been sitting in the ER waiting room with a man who had made me orgasm  _ nearing double digits _ , watching him hug and reassure his huge family. Very obviously not wearing a bra.


	2. Chapter Two: The Coffee Date, The Sick Day, and An Irate CJ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hi hope you enjoy this! I’m going to go ahead and warn you that this version of Donna is an AU version of her. I felt like the tv show kinda left more to be desired when it came to Kate being fully fleshed out woman of today so I wanted to write this Donna-Kate-OtherPerson hybrid idk if I’m even explaining this well but here we go...

_ Donna POV _

What was I thinking?

Why did I agree to go on a date with this man?

I googled him as anyone living in 2015 would do. He’s a successful lawyer working for a company that lobbies for more international aide for education for girls. I stalked his Facebook as well. He didn’t have many privacy settings turned on- my guess is he doesn’t know how. He had not posted a ton and when he did it was worded oddly, like someone who’s in their late 40s who doesn’t know the cultural language differences on the internet. About half of his posts were him sharing memes from liberal facebook pages where he went on long diatribes that I skimmed. The others were pictures and posts about his kids and their achievements.

If he were to google me, know what would come up? Not a whole lot. Unless you’re talking about the other Donna Moss who had worked in the Clinton White House. I had definitely  _ not _ done that. Know what I do for living? I’m not a successful lawyer lobbying for the good of the world, shocker, I know. I’m a waitress at a strip club (and while I do not personally strip, the uniform is a wee bit skimpy) and an LPN (which is a basically a low level nurse) at an assisted living facility. The closest I’ve come to having a family of my own was a pregnancy scare in college.

And now I am going on a coffee date with a man nearly twenty years my senior who has three ex-wives AND FIVE CHILDREN.

“Earth to Donna?” My roommate says as she walks out of her room. I snap my head over to her. I realize I am standing in front of my door, frozen. I’m dressed in the nicest clothes I have that are not specifically for job interviews (not that those are plentiful). I’m in black tights with a burgundy corduroy skirt that I got from the thrift store and off white thin sweater that I actually bought from a department store. I wore this exact outfit to a Christmas party at my co-workers (a nurse, not a stripper). Before I can get too depressed over the state of my wardrobe and finances, I remember that Hana is expected a response.

“Oh, sorry. I’m a little freaked out. I’m going on a date.”

“You’re freaked out about a date?” She scoffs and wanders to the kitchen. She’s right. I’ve never been freaked out over a date. Dates are easy! And fun! And I like them! And I never feel shaky or like butterflies are having orgasms in my stomach. This guy better be worth it.

 

_ Josh POV _

I found a spot to park on the street by the coffee shop. I check my messages to see if she’s cancelled. I’m freaking out about this.

That night in the bar I was confident. Honestly I didn’t expect it to wind up in sex for me. I was hoping for some banter with a woman who I had originally cast as insane in my head. But she was smart and witty and undeniably sexy. And despite the night ending in disaster, the sex was amazing. I had become more friendly with my hand since that night. I couldn’t get her out of my head. Wednesday night I had snuck out to my home office that was attached to the garage but far from the bedrooms so I could do it without feeling strange about my children sleeping in the rooms around me. For some reason, having sex with someone I’m married to when my kids are in their bedrooms doesn’t seem as pervy as jacking off to someone who I hardly know.

I should stop thinking about this. I should be focusing on this date. I really like this girl and not just because of how much she turned me on. I couldn’t explain it exactly but at some point while we were in McDonald’s, it was like something clicked into place, like I had found a missing puzzle piece.

I get out of the car and wander as casually as I can into the coffee shop. I don’t see her around yet which means I’m not late which helps with my nerves. I try not to bounce on my feet as I wait for her. I am trying to decide whether I should order for her so it’d be ready when she got here- or if that’s misogynist to take the decision away from her. Hm. Maybe I should call CJ. That uncomfortable conversation is thrown from my brain as the door opens and in walks a particularly hellish sort of heaven. She’s beautiful.

 

_ Donna POV _

I think we’ve been staring at each other for hours (though probably like two minutes). We’re only jerked from our reveries as the door behind me opens and I need to move out of the new customer’s way. Our small smiles from staring at each other drop momentarily but return as we walk towards one another.

He’s remarkably good looking man. He’s in jeans that I’d probably call outdated if they didn’t look so damn good on him and a black sweater with the sleeves rolled up.

“Hey.” He says, flashing his dimples. Good lord. Never stop doing that.

“Hi.”

“How ya doin?” His tone is a little cocky but I don’t think it’s on purpose. I think he’s just being himself and I like it.

“I’m good. How are you?” I return, feeling awkward in comparison to his suaveness.

“Would it be too cheesy to say good now that you’re here?” He says. I can see his amusement in his features but also the words are tinged with honesty that makes me wonder if he feels the same way I do. Like Earth had finally regained gravity, like I’d been without it my whole life.

“It’d be very cheesy. Like a ricotta amount of cheese and fluff.” I respond. He laughs and starts to turn us toward the line to order. He places his hand on my back and I want to say screw the coffee, let’s go finish what we started the other night. But I don’t say that. Because this is different and this is a special man and I want to be special too.

I order an iced green tea and he orders a coffee with cream and three sugars. He also orders us two muffins to share. Two because I wouldn’t tell him if I wanted blueberry or chocolate chip on the basis that I was perfectly fine and if he wanted a muffin, he didn’t have to share it with me. I really was quite hungry so I was actually glad that he’d managed to pull that one over me. I still glared at him playfully about it. The cashier was over us flirting in about two seconds though. I pretended not to notice as Josh put a rather large tip in the jar.

“So Joshua…” We’re tucked into one of the little couches at the back of the shop. It’s a little private and secluded and I feel like I could sit here and talk to him for hours. So far we’ve discussed cartoons of our childhood (I got a couple good digs about his age here), the merits of Obamacare, and the talents of Dolly Parton. As much as I’ve enjoyed all that, I do have questions. I can see in his eyes he knew this was coming.

“Yup?” His smile isn’t as big as before but his dimples are still here for my personal show.

“Three ex wives?” I say, raising an eyebrow. I hope that my tone conveys that I’m not judging. I’m just curious.

“Yeah…” He sighs and sits a little straighter. “I’m not a sleaze, I swear. And I wasn’t like an awful husband or anything. But there were… factors.”

“I don’t doubt that you were a good husband.” I admit too honestly. I should be a little more guarded about this. “I know it’s like the cardinal sin of dating to discuss your ex’s but in your case, I feel like we should… I’m not judging, I swear. It’s just… a lot? Just like, what were the factors…?”

“You’re cute when you’re all rambling. So. Factors. I guess I’ll just give you the life story of one Josh Lyman.” He rubs his hand over his face and blushes a little. “Really, I’d much rather talk about you but I understand your, ah, curiosity. Especially considering you met the stampede of my family. Sorry about that by the way. We’re all close I guess. Even though it’s a weird family structure. But it’s what works.”

“That’s actually really lovely. There are just five kids, right?” I ask, slightly choking on the word  _ just _ .

“Yeah. Life story time! So in college my best friend and I slept together one night because we were both young and dumb and inexperienced and scared about the fact that we were about to start our last semester of college… And then there was Hogan. CJ and I got married of course once we knew. We finished our degrees and got married the same day- her mother was sort of insistent about it happening before Hogan arrived. Once Hogan did, we kind of decided that we were going to do whatever we would have done anyways just plus some rings and a baby girl. We started law school and before we both graduated, well… We just knew that there was nothing beyond friendship between us. So we got a divorce but she’s been a basically constant fixture in my life since. For Hogan of course but also we work together. It’s been a joke that she’s my work wife which I haven’t really decided if it’s weird or not that my ex wife is my work wife but…” He shrugs.

“And wife number 2?”

“Ah… Madeline. A different story. When we met, I was… a little high on my ego and when I came across Mandy who was in her residency I thought we were like this perfect power couple or something. And she was good with Hogan. And only occasionally things were heated between her and CJ. So I married her. We got pregnant pretty quickly with twins- Warren and Hillary.”

“How old are they?” I ask. I can see he’s worried about talking too much. I imagine he probably does get accused of talking about his kids too much. His eyes light up when he mentions them.

“Thirteen. It’s hell. Not as bad as Hogan being seventeen but… The idea of having three teens is mind blowing.” He says and then winces, looking to see how freaked out I am. Oddly enough, I’m not.

“And the little ones?” I ask, spurring him on. I genuinely want to know all of this. He was interesting and sweet and funny and his life was crazy and domestic and I craved a little of that. He smiles as he thinks about the little boys.

“Bert and Peter. Bert’s eight and he’s a little weirdo. God, he’s so great, Donna. And Peter is five now which he’s very proud of since it uses all his fingers. When Mandy and I… blew up… I met Joey through my work. Joey is my third wife. After Mandy, the whole family man thing I liked and Joey wanted kids and the white picket fence and things were great for a while. But she met Kenny as her new interpreter. And I saw it even before she realized. So we ended it. Though not on bad terms. Even though we had  _ just _ adopted Peter. It confused everyone for about half a minute but Joey and Kenny make more sense than her and I ever did. But we have Bert and Peter for it so…” He shrugs, looking slightly sheepish and slightly in his own world of love for his kids.

We talk a little bit more about his family then he starts asking me questions. I really like this guy. I don’t want to ruin it by telling him about my past. Hell, even my present. I don’t want to tell this wholesome family man with the wholesome career about my life as a waitress-nurse with terrible finances and propensity to get into shitty relationships with men before hopping to another.

“Donna?” He asks, pulling me out of my head.

“Yeah?” I respond, fiddling with my cup.

“I asked you about where your from?” He offers awkwardly.

“Oh, uh. Canada.”

“Ah, what’s it like having healthcare?” He jokes.

“I was only there when I was like younger. We moved Wisconsin when I was like eight.” I explained, leaving out any gory details. From there, he makes some cheese jokes and I banter back with him. We move on to subjects like our favorite foods and music tastes and conspiracy theories. The crowd in the coffee shop changes around us but we don’t really take notice. A crack of thunder is the only thing that pulls us out of our little cocoon of conversation. We both look outside and realize it’s dark.

“Oh, wow. I’m sorry I didn’t realize how late it was- did you have somewhere you needed to be?” I ask, feeling a little embarrassed about my lack of awareness.

“Huh, no. I didn’t realize either.” He pulls out his phone to check his messages. “Nope, we’re all good on my front. Did you…?”

I desperately want to smile at him and tell him I have all the time in the world but I have work in two hours. I smile sadly before answering him.

“I don’t have a lot of time actually.” At his dejected expression, I add, “Not that I want to leave. Trust me. I don’t. I’m having a great time and- what?” His grin is back and it looks a little too satisfied. 

“You’re cute when you ramble.” He says in a low tone. I think my mind just goes blank so I kiss him. When we finally come up for air, it’s my turn to grin in that self satisfied manner.

“You’re sure you have to go?” Josh practically whines, sounding more like a four year old than a man who has a four year old. I laugh a little at his antics.

“Yeah, I have work.” I reach for his hand, the motion oddly natural. He watches our hands as he wraps his fingers between mine and turns my hand over, bringing it to his mouth to kiss. My stomach swoons a bit.

“It’s 8:30 at night?” He questions. “You didn’t tell me what you do, did you?” I take my hand back slowly, not looking him in the eye.

“No, Josh. I did not. And would you like to talk about that more with the limited time we have left or would you rather do this?” I ask, distracting him with my lips again.

When I finally do have to go, I pull away and we make our way out into the rain. He offers me his jacket but I distract him with kissing again and refuse. It takes longer than it should to say goodbye. Neither of us really want to go.

“Donna?” Josh asks as we step back from our embrace.

“Yes Josh?” I ask cheekily.

“I think we should see each other again. And probably again after that, just to be safe.” His grin is a little bit dazzling. It makes sense that this man has had a few wives- he’s just too easy to fall for.

We make plans for our next date and I dash to my car, running late. But before I’m out of earshot, I hear Josh call my name and I whip around.

“I didn’t forget you never told me what you do. I’ll bring my guesses to dinner.” Josh runs up to me and kisses my cheek before turning and crossing the street. He is so damn charming. I’m definitely not going to tell him what I do.

The next few dates will begin with him bringing ridiculous guesses to my career (including haberdasher, nun, and the CEO of Google) and end with him telling me he didn’t forget that I didn’t give him an answer with a easy smile and a twinkle of amusement before his face turns more serious, telling me he wants to know more about me- everything. He’s too easy to fall for.

 

_ Josh POV _

 

I’m pretty sure this is paradise.

It’s been two weeks since Donna and I went out for coffee. Since then every time we have free time in our schedules, we’ve spent it together. Not that it’s easy to find time. She works a lot of hours (and still refuses to tell me what exactly it is she does). And I do too plus I have the kids and their schedules.

Which is why we both called in sick today. And are currently wearing very few clothes and lounging on my couch. We were making out, starting to get into it again when my blood turned to ice because…

“Hey dad, mom said you were sick so I brought- AHHHHH!” Hogan’s piercing scream physically hurt my ears. Donna is looking at me terrified, just as frozen.

“Shit.” I say. Seven. Sixty. Verbal. Baby.

“Oh my god!” Hogan runs away. I hear her lock herself in the bathroom.

“Oh my god.” Donna echoes.

“Okay. Uh.” Fulbright scholar too.

“GO!” Donna pushes me off the couch, throwing my pants at me. I grab up my under shirt. Donna has wrapped herself in the blanket that was covering her. I can’t afford to be distracted but seriously, she’s ridiculously hot. I curse as I step in the soup that Hogan had dropped. Jesus. I just traumatized my daughter.

I knock on the bathroom door.

“Hogan? Honey?”

“NO! DON’T!” She yells back. Guilt washes over me.

“Hogan, just come out. It’s just me.” Donna had retreated to my bedroom. Which added another layer of guilt but it would have to wait.

“Nope. I can never look at you  _ ever _ again.”

“Okay, let’s not be dramatic.” I say because apparently I’ve learned  _ nothing _ in my seventeen years of parenting.

“Dramatic!? Your hand was  _ grabbing _ some  _ woman _ ’s ass!” Hogan says.

“Okay. One, don’t curse. Two, listen, come out and talk to me. I’m really sorry you saw that, okay? You can’t hide in there forever.”

It’s been about forty five minutes now and I have not made any headway on getting Hogan to come out. After about twenty minutes of trying to be nice and understanding, I got a little frustrated but decided that it would probably be a bad idea to yell at my daughter, demanding she come talk to me considering she just witnessed a naked woman draped over me. Not that she saw anything of Donna’s. But still it was obvious.

I went to go check on Donna. Who was now fully dressed and pacing. I closed the door and leaned back against it.

“So…” Should I mention I went to Harvard and Yale? Because I did.

“I cannot believe that just happened. I’m that girl now.” She sounds more upset than I expected.

“‘That girl’?” I question.

“Yeah. Ya know, dad’s whore. Or whatever. Oh my god.”

“Okay. One, that’s not who you are. Two, my children would  _ never _ call you that and if they did, they’d be in a serious amount of trouble for a multitude of reasons with not just me but their staunchly feminist mothers. Three, I know that it was bad but she’ll be okay. We’ll talk it over. She’s a very mature girl.”

“Josh, stop it. You have no idea what that would be like.” Donna was pacing again.

“And you do?” I asked quietly. Mainly because she was usually so guarded with me about her past. Maybe I didn’t have a right to know her that well but every small story I got from her felt like a gift.

I had never been the type of guy who wanted to  _ fix _ the woman he was dating. That was more Sam- playing the hero and what not.  I’ve mostly fallen for career driven women who are awkward in their personal lives and killers in the professional world. Except Joey, I guess. Joey is good with the whole domesticity thing and balancing that with being a driven woman. But Donna was very different from the women I’ve been attracted to in the past. And it was more than just the age difference. I liked her unabashed curiosity. I liked her grounded blue-collar esque perspective. I liked her eyes and the way they looked at me. I liked the feel of her against me- for reasons that went beyond sexual.

It’s been three weeks since we’ve met. We’ve been on four dates. I’m not sure what she wants out of this. But I think I’m in love with her. That rattling thought is disturbed by Donna’s response.

“Yeah. I do.” She says but I wait for her to finish. “Not exactly. I mean. You’re a good dad. I didn’t- I just don’t want to be that girl.” She admits, looking small. I wrap her in my arms because I can’t help it.

“Was your dad…” I start to ask, not wanting to be insensitive but also having this need to know her intimately.

“He had an ever changing rolodex of women around.” She says simply, avoiding my eyes. “I only lived with him for a few years when I was like thirteen but ya know, enough to… make me sympathetic to…  _ that. _ ”

“Hey. Being sympathetic is great. But beating yourself up over it? Don’t. We are two consenting adults being adults in a private space and there was no reason we could have known that Hogan was coming over. Okay? You’re not… you’re not my hoe or whatever.” I tell her sincerely. Donna laughs a little. “What’s funny?”

“You saying hoe. It just doesn’t come out of your mouth right.”

“Can’t say I disagree.” I kiss her a little bit before she pulls out of my arms.

“I should probably… head out.” She says, grabbing her phone off my nightstand. “Give you guys some space.”

“You don’t have to-” I stop myself. She’s probably right. “Just, uh, text me. Let me know you got home fine and everything.”

“Oh, the chivalry.” She grins at me. I roll my eyes. I picked her up a few nights ago for dinner. She had tried to insist on meeting me there like we had for other dates. Her part of town was  _ not _ good. And the apartment complex she lived in seemed sketchy as all hell. I at least wanted to know when she was safe inside.  She picks up her purse.

We kiss for a minute longer before I walk her to the door. She cringes as we sneak past the still closed hall bathroom door. I whisper goodbye to her and she squeezes my hand before letting go.

“Hogan. You can come out now. Seriously. Donna just left. Just come talk to me.” I plead at the door.

“Go away!”

_ UGH. _

I proceed to try bribing. She’s immune to my promises of ice cream now. I try annoying her out of there. I played Justin Bieber and sang along outside the door. She hates when we play Justin Bieber, reminding her of her fangirl days of like two years ago- eons ago for her, just yesterday for me. I did resort to threatening grounding at one point. It was pointless. I was just about to give up when Hurricane CJ comes through my door, looking pretty pissed off. Hogan must have texted her. I’m so done.

“Shit. Hogan! Tattle tale-” CJ cuts me off by grabbing my ear and dragging me into my own damn kitchen.

“WHAT were you thinking!?” She whisper yells.

“I had no idea she was going to walk in! No one was supposed to be around!” I defended myself.

“Josh Lyman, you have five kids. You lost the delusion of privacy years ago. What the hell is wrong with you?” I roll my eyes a little.

“Claudia-Jean, I am an adult man. I am allowed to engage in-”

“Don’t finish that sentence if you want to able to  _ engage _ in anything ever again.” She sighs. “You realize she’s going to hate you for a little bit, yeah?” It’s my turn to sigh.

“Yup.”

“Oh no.”

“What?”

“You’re doing the whole guilt thing!” CJ whines.

“What?”

“Josh, you’re impossible when you get all guilty and sweet. Dammit, you idiot boy.” CJ hugs me. I hug her back. It is odd how much our relationship has changed. In some ways, she’s my work wife. In others, she’s my sister. But she’s also the mother to my first child. 

“Mom?” Hogan called, still inside the bathroom.

“She’s a teenage girl, Josh. She’ll be fine. Most people have stories about walking in on their parents… oh and don’t think you’re getting out of telling me about whoever this woman is.” She looks at me mischievously before going to get Hogan.

Ten minutes later, Hogan and I hug and exchange slightly awkward goodbyes. I watch her pull out of the driveway- still terrified that my baby can drive now. I turn back inside once she’s out of sight. CJ has pulled out the wine.

“So. Spill.”

I resisted and obfuscated for all of five minutes before I did exactly that. Once I had told her everything (save the more vivid sexual details), she looked at me with her eyebrows raised and said, “Oh boy. You’re a goner.”

“I know.” I put my face in my hands. “It’s not my fault! She’s too easy to fall for.”


	3. Chapter Three: The Park, The Sam Talk, and The Art Smock

_ Donna POV _

I think I have to stop going out with Josh. Well going  _ out _ isn’t necessarily what we’re doing. We’re staying in. And cooking. And watching movies. And talking. And sex. And more talking. Oh my god, there’s so much talking. In the best ways. And I have to end it.

It’s been going on for two months now and right about now is when the wheels start coming off in most relationships with me. I like Josh. I like Josh  _ a lot _ . I may be  _ falling for  _ Josh. And that is a very, very bad idea.

Know what’s also a very bad idea? Meeting his children.

Josh asked if I wanted to come over on a night that is not Tuesdays and Thursdays and every other weekend. Which means he wants me to meet at the least one of his children. I don’t even remember what I said. I might have even said yes. I blacked out in a panic. Hence me calling Ginger and a few of our other friends to get drunk tonight.

We’ve been out for an hour and we’ve done a lot of dancing and I’ve avoided several men trying to grind on me. One, I wasn’t attracted to most of them. Two, it’d feel wrong. Like I was cheating. Even though I have never including dancing with men cheating before now. Never even thought twice about it.

I head back to the bar. Ginger’s friend, Meg, had brought an edible which has really started to hit me. I haven’t eaten an edible since my two years in college but tonight I decided  _ what the hell? _

It’s not just Josh.

It’s everything.

I hate my apartment. My roommate broke my favorite mug and didn’t tell me. My boss at the club is a misogynist (no duh). I had to work several doubles at the nursing home this week because there are two nurses out sick. I haven’t even seen Josh that much. I miss him. He’s fun. Much more fun than all of this.

I walk outside to call him but I get his voicemail.

“Hellooooo, Joshua. It’s Donnatella. Did you know * _ hiccup _ * that that’s myy full naaame?” I pause. “Sooo I made Gi-Ginger get me drunk- and other things you are tooooo nerdy to know about. That sounds bad. Nothing bad. And I don’t like haaaaving fun without you anymore. I think. That’s a problem. This is a veryyyy bad… situamation.” I sit down on the sidewalk, not caring about the dirt. “Joshshshsh, Joshshshshshshsshshshshshsh. Ha. That’s funny. Because you talk a lot. Jo- Sh.” I laugh at my own joke. “Anyways, I know you’re with your tiny ones. And by the wayyy, what were you thinking? I can’t meet th-them. It’d be bad! Josh! It’d be bad!” I sigh. “I’m going to go now. Goodbye.” I stare at the phone for a minute before hanging up. I don’t feel like going back outside yet so I sit there and look at photos on my phone of the two of us. I showed Josh how to use instagram filters. His teenagers were not as impressed he thought they’d be, he’d reported back to me.

We are a cute couple. I don’t know how this is going to end but it’ll probably be like a fiery avalanche. Damn. I’m poetic in my drunk/high state.

 

_ Josh POV _

 

It’s Friday night and it’s my weekend with Bert, Peter, and Warren. Hogan is at her mom’s til tomorrow and Hillary asked if she could have a sleepover with her and CJ. So right now I am having a boys’ night.

I’m teaching Warren how to play chess. He’s very into it but very, very bad at it. I love my son but he’s destined to be a geek. What? Chess is a cool man’s game. I would know.

I’m also trying to keep Bert and Peter from arguing. They’ve been acting out a little this week by refusing to share with one another and being generally demanding of myself, Joey, and Kenny. According to Kenny who has a degree in psychology, it’s because of the new baby being due soon.

Anyways, my point is that I have my hands full when I get a call at 8:30pm from Donna. I heard it ring but I was trying to put Peter to bed and knew I’d get it later. I didn’t know at the time it was from Donna so it took me a minute before I actually listened to the voicemail.

She’s absolutely smashed.  _ It is only eight forty five. _ This is  _ not _ good. I can hear loud music come through every once in a while, as if the door to the bar she’s at is opening and closing. Dammit, she’s outside, wasted, on some sidewalk alone. I call her back, panicking a little.

“Helllllooooooooo!”

“Donna.”

“Oh, that’s a dad voice. Woah. Is it weird that it’s kind of hot?”

“Donna!” I squeak a little perhaps.

“Whaaaaaat?”

“Are you alone?”

“Kinda?”

“What does that mean?”

“There’s a couple making out like ten feet away.” 

“Jesus. Okay. Um. I-I…” I’m trying to figure out a plan because I want to just go get her because she is way passed the point of being able to make decisions. A horrible thought passes through my head about some guy finding her like that. But I also can’t leave my kids. And I can’t exactly pack them into the minivan to go pick up my wasted twenty something year old girlfriend. Joey and Mandy would  _ kill _ me. “Can you go back inside and wait in the women’s restroom for me? I’m gonna send someone to come and get you, okay? Just-just wait for me to call you.”

“You’re cute.”

“So are you. Now go. Stay on the phone with me.”

“OOOOooookay.” There’s a lot of scuffling around and then I can tell as she steps into the club/bar/wherever the hell because the sound is insane.

“Dad. Dad. Dad.” Bert is pulling on my shirt.

“Hey buddy. What’s up?” I turn to him.

“The movie is done. Can I watch another?”

“No. You have to go to sleep soon.” I’m trying to listen for Donna as well as take care of Bert. It’s a juggling act. “Warren, can you do one of the puzzles with Bert while I deal with something?”

“Yeah! Come on!”

“Ugggh, no!” Bert complains. I give him the look and he goes reluctantly with his brother. I finally hear a change in volume over the phone so I assume this means that she’s in the bathroom now.

“Josh?” She asks.

“Yeah? You ok?”

“You’re very sweet.”

“Okay. Just tell me where you’re at.”

“The bathroom. Like you said.” I pinch the bridge of my nose.

“I mean like the bar.”

“Ohhhhh, you should have said that. It’s called Park. But it’s spelled funny.”

“Okay… just stay where you are til I call you.”

“Alrighty.” She agrees. I stay on the line a second longer then hang up. I immediately dial Sam. I’m pretty sure he’s currently on a date. Welp, time to call the best friend card.

“Hey, what’s up?” Sam answers.

“Sam, I need you to do something for me. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”

“What’s wrong? Are the kids okay?”

“Yeah. They’re fine. Peter and Bert have this whole thing- never mind. Not the time. Listen, I need you to go get Donna for me. She’s like absolutely plastered at some bar and I don’t know where her friends are but she seems all alone and I just- can you?”

“Uh, well, I’ve never met her before but yeah, of course.”

“Okay, thank you. You’re the best. She’s at some bar or something called Park but spelled funny? I don’t know, that’s all the info I have.”

“Oh… Parque- I know where that is. Yeah… Josh, that’s not the best part of town. It’s good she called you.” My stomach drops.

“Just be quick. I’ll call her and tell her that you’re coming.”

“Okay, I’m on my way out the door. I’ll text you when I’m there.”

I hang up and call Donna.

“Hello there.”

“Hi… My friend Sam is going to come get you.”

“Oh! The infamous Sam!”

“The one and only.” I say dryly, feeling anxious still.

“Why is he coming to get me?”

“Because you’re smackered and alone in a bar and you scare me.”

“Hmmmmmm… Okay, that’s okay.”

Donna and I keep talking for the next seven minutes. I’m keeping an eye on Bert and Warren, who seem to be getting increasingly annoyed and enthusiastic respectively. I’m checking my phone constantly looking for a text from Sam.

“Oh, thank god. Okay, hey, Donna, Sam is there.”

“Okay! Bye.”

“No, wait-” I try to get her to stop but she hangs up. I text Sam a picture of her and tell him that’s who he’s looking for and that she should be coming out of the bathroom right now to meet him. He sends me a thumbs up. Which is just ambivalent enough to annoy me.

I pace a little as I wait for Sam to give me an update. It’s almost twenty minutes past Bert’s bedtime. Joey is going to kill me. My phone vibrates and it’s a text from Sam,  _ we’re in the car, headed to your place. Might want to make sure kids are in bed- it’s a fifteen minute drive. _

I tell Bert that it’s time for bed and he’s so fed up with doing the puzzle with Warren that he doesn’t fight me too much on it. I manage to get him in pjs, brush his teeth, read him two stories, get him water, and tuck him in in record time. Which is fifteen minutes.

“Hey, Warren, why don’t you go back to your room?”

“Oh, why?” WHY did I teach them to always ask questions?

“Because I have a grown up thing. Just stay in there for tonight, bud. I’ll see you in the morning.” As I finish my sentence, there’s a knock on the door.

“Who’s that?”

“Warren.”

“Fine, fine. Bed.” He says dejectedly and retreats. I have a twinge of dad guilt before going to get the door.

“Jooooooosh.” She’s propped up on Sam, looking a little worse for wear. Don’t get me wrong, still stunning and way out of my league. But one glance and you’d know she’s far past inebriated. 

“Thanks, Sam.” I tell him and he walks in with Donna. I close the door and then shift Donna over to me. “I’ll, uh, be right back out.” Sam has his  _ we need to talk  _ face on. Uh. Oh.

I maneuver Donna over to my room.

“Are we going to sleep?”

“Yeah, you are. You have to wait for me to get you some water though.” I lay her on the bed, propped up on the pillows in hopes she won’t pass out before I can get back with water. I’m turning back to walk out and get it when I hear her quietly.

“I’m sorry, Josh. I know you probably hate this. I’m not, ya know.” I turn back to her in surprise. She looks a little miserable. I walk back over to her and give her a little kiss.

“I don’t hate this. I like taking care of you, okay?” She nods but doesn’t look so sure. I figure I should get her that water though before taking care of her emotional stuff.

I walk to the kitchen where Sam is waiting.

“Hey, one second. I’ve gotta get her water.”

“Good call.” I can hear the little bit of judgement in his voice. I’m not going to like this conversation. Getting Donna to drink the water is no easy task but not even that puts off this conversation with Sam for long.

“So…” I start. “Warren is still awake so we should probably keep our voices down.”

“Yeah…” He says, looking hesitant. Good.

“Sam, I’m really grateful that you did what you did.”

“It’s not a problem. I know you… care about her.”

“Yeah, Sam. I really do.”

“Josh, she’s young and she’s a party girl and… what are you doing? You have kids! You have two teen daughters!”

“They haven’t met.”

“Yeah, I know! Donna told me about that. She’s freaked out because you asked her to meet them!”

“I just- god. Sam! You accidentally slept with a prostitute!” I accuse.

“That was ten years ago! And I don’t have kids!”

“Listen, you don’t know her. She’s not usually like this.”

“You don’t know what she’s usually like! You’ve been dating for two months.”

“Sam, I know her, okay?”

“Do you?” He gives me a knowing look.

“Have you been talking with CJ?”

“Yes! Look, it’s not us going behind your back. I just… remember when you and Mandy divorced and you yelled at me for not warning you? CJ and I both wanted to but we didn’t feel like it was our place. And yeah, CJ told me that she’s guarded with you. You don’t really know her. Do you know what you’re doing?”

“Sam, she’s not Mandy. And she’s not Amy or CJ or Joey or Alex. I just… Sam, I’m falling for her. And I think if you met her not like  _ this _ you’d see why.”

Sam looks at me as though trying to see through me. Then he smiles a little and nods.

“Alright, well I’ll have to meet her sometime.”

“Thanks again, Sam.”

“Of course, buddy.”

We hug and then he goes on his merry way. I check on Warren before heading back to the bedroom. I’m exhausted from all of this. But there’s something right about seeing her in my bed.

  
  


_ Donna POV _

 

My head is throbbing and my stomach is rolling but I can’t help but notice how comfortable my bed feels. That’s weird. Normally my mattress if soft in all the wrong places with the spirals starting to poke through. It’s also noticeably warmer despite it being November and my apartment having shitty insulation.

Wait.

This isn’t adding up.

I should probably open my eyes.

I really would rather not. My head feels like it’ll split in two if I do so.

Okay, let’s go over what we know.

Last night, I finished my shift at the facility. I came home tired. There was a voicemail from Josh. He said he was thinking about me and to call him tomorrow when I got the chance. I remember panicking and calling Ginger. I remember Ginger, Meg, Rina, and Bonnie coming over. Meg had a pot brownie. Jesus. What was I thinking? I’m going to be a sloth all day! Damn. Anyways. We all went to a club. There was dancing. There were men. One rather persistent one. There was lots of drinking. I think I left with some man with beautiful eyes.

Oh, god. What if I went home with that guy? What if I cheated on Josh? I’ve never cheated before and I finally am with someone I really like that is genuinely decent and I might have… 

I feel overwhelmed at this possibility and open my eyes. I immediately calm down. I must have called Josh. I have no recollection of this. Oh, god. That’s probably embarrassing. Wait, he couldn’t have picked me up. Wasn’t he with his kids? Oh, shit. Are his kids here? Did they see me? Who was the guy with beautiful eyes? I’m going to throw up.

I rush to the bathroom in his bedroom and spill my guts.

I realize then that I’m wearing one of his t-shirts. My heart does a flutter-y thing that makes me more nauseous but still a little happy. God, he’s a good guy. Why is he interested in me? These questions are too big for the tornado going on in my head and stomach.

I don’t hear Josh come in but I feel him kneel next to me and rub my back with one hand, pulling my hair out of my face with the other.

“Nooooo.” I groan, unable to look at him. I don’t have to throw up anymore but getting up sounds difficult so I lean into him.

“What?” He kisses the top of my head. It’s so simple and affectionate and intimate that I’m shocked when tears start coming out of my eyes. “Are you alright?” His voice sounds panicky at the sight of my tears.

“You’re too sweet.” I groan, stating the obvious.

“That’s why you’re crying?”

“Among other things, yes.”

“What other things?”

“I’m embarrassed and my head hurts.”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed.” I finally look up at him and he seems to be telling the truth. If I hadn’t just been puking my guts out, I’d absolutely make out with him right now. I settle for laying my head back on him.

“Did I say anything embarrassing last night?” I ask him.

“I don’t think so. Well, I don’t know what you said to Sam…”

“Excuse me, who?” I know who he’s talking about but I’ve never met Sam.

“Uh, I couldn’t come pick you up because the boys are here so I asked Sam to get you.”

“Does he have blue eyes?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Oh. Okay…”

“You checking out Sam?” He jokes.

“I was drunk.” I shrug.

“Yes. Yes, you were.” He’s smiling a little which makes me think I definitely did something embarrassing.

“What are you smiling at?” I ask him.

“Hm? Nothing.” He’s grinning. The dimples are out. I sit up and turn to face him, looking at him suspiciously.

“Josh.”

“Yes?”

“What did I do?”

“Nothing… Just you woke up in the middle of the night and woke me up too because you had something very important to tell me.” I bite one lip in anxiety. Can he get to the point please? I give him a look saying just that. “You just wanted me to know that you were going to break up with me…”

“Oh my god, Josh, I-” I start blushing and my stomach turns, feeling terrible. His grin should have clued me into the fact that I did not break up with him. 

“Sh. Let me finish.” I glare at him a little because he’s having too much fun with this. “Then you said you’d decided not to and I should remind you in the morning. Because you like me too much.”

Now I see why he’s grinning.

“You’re an ass.”

“Yeah but you really, really, really like me.”

I do.

I am so screwed.

  
  


_ Josh POV _

 

I didn’t tell her that she did not, in fact, only say that she liked me. She told me she loved me. I don’t want to freak her out because I’m not convinced sober Donna has come to terms with it drunk, sleepy Donna had me feeling happier than I have in a  _ long _ time.

  
  


_ “Psssst.” There’s some kind of buzzing in my ear that wakes me up. “Josh, are you awake?” _

_ “No.” I groan, wrapping my arm around Donna’s waist. She laughs. _

_ “Yes, you are. You’ve stopped snoring.” I open my eyes to see her smiling at me. She’s so beautiful. “Good morning.” _

_ “What time is it?” _

_ “Three.” _

_ “What! Donna, why are you awake? Why am  _ I _ awake?” _

_ “Because! I need to tell you something that sober me never will.” _

_“Oh, okay.” I flop onto back and prop myself up a little. “What’s up?”_ _  
__“I was going to break up with you.” My stomach just dropped. What the hell is happening right now? Am I about to get broken up with by a half-drunk woman in my bed at three in the morning? “Well, ghost you. Which is shitty, I know. But the thing is… I don’t want to do that. And you should remind me in the morning.”_

_ “Come again?” _

_ “I like you. A lot. And that’s scary. And I don’t think that I’ve ever liked someone this much. In fact, I might love you and that sucks for me.” She pouts and looks adorable but I’m in a bit of shock. “Your face has frozen in an odd way.” _

_ “Unattractively?” I quip immediately. _

_ “Nope.” She smiles. “Josh?” _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “Whatcha thinkin’?” _

_ “I think I love you too.” I admit, wondering if there’s any way she’ll remember. _

_ “Okay, I’m going to sleep now.” I finally smile. She cuddles closer to me and I wrap my arms around her. I kiss her head and close my eyes. _

“Josh?”

“Yeah? Sorry. I was… thinking about something. We should probably get off the bathroom floor now.” I stand up and reach down to help her up. “There’s ibuprofen on the nightstand. I’ve got to make lunch now… you can come out when you’re ready.”

“Josh!”

“Yeah?”

“Your kids are here?” She whispers. Her eyes are all big and she looks scared.

“Just Warren. Bert and Peter were picked up this morning for Kenny’s birthday. You’ll be fine.”

“I can’t meet him!”

“You technically did.”

“Last night? Oh my god!”

“No, the hospital. Technically you’ve met everyone already.” I smirk at her a little. She purses her lips and walks away and into the bedroom. I hug her from behind. “Donna, it’s fine. He’s twelve years old, a dork, and will think nothing other than you’re pretty.”  
“And your ex-wife?”

“Well… I made a deal with him.”

“What?!” She turns around.

“It’s nothing! It’s a necessity when it comes to Mandy. There are some things she can’t know.” I shudder and think about Halloween 2013.

“No! That’s not what’s going to happen now. I don’t want to be hidden away from your wives while your kids are in the middle!”

“Okay, woah! One, ex-wives. Two, I’m not hiding you. Three, where is this coming from?! If it wouldn’t freak you out, I’d have you meet everyone already.” Okay, probably should have kept that to myself. She goes from looking pissed and defensive to shocked to what I can only describe as sad.

“Josh…” She says quietly. She slouches on my bed. “You’re a great guy but…”

“Don’t do this. You said you weren’t going to do this.”

“I was drunk, Josh. I was drunk and you were taking care of me because you’re a decent guy and you’re the most decent person I’ve met in my life and of course, drunk me just wanted to stay with you but Josh, you have to see that this can’t work out well.”

“Do you love me?” I’m not great with filters.

“What?” Her eyes are as big as saucers but I can’t help it.

“Donnatella, you told me you might love me. I’m telling you right now that I love you and I want you a part of my life. And I know that it’s scary and crazy and overwhelming because I have crazy, scary ex-wives and overwhelming kids but Donna, I love you and I think you love me too.” I don’t know why I said all that. I don’t know what I’ll do if she runs away at this point. There’s a long silence where we’re both just looking at each other, trying to figure each other out.

“Josh, it’s not that your life is scary and overwhelming. It’s my life that… It’s  _ me _ that doesn’t fit with all of this.” She sounds sad and I want to comfort her but more so I want to convince her that she’s wrong.

“I don’t think that’s true. I get it, you’re young and you’re a party girl and whatever and I know how guarded you are with me but despite all that, I see you. I see that you’re compassionate and you’re fun and you’re sweet. I see that you’re scared and hurt. And this isn’t me wanting to fix you. This is me just wanting  _ you _ .” I’m not usually this effusive. I don’t think I’ve been this emotionally open and passionate about anyone before Donna.

“... How would this work?”

“You get dressed and come meet Warren. We eat lunch and then later I call my ex-wives and tell them that you want to meet them.”

“What!?”

“You have to meet them. Sorry. They’re not as scary as they look. Well, CJ and Joey. But trust me, they’ll love you. You have to meet them because after that, we can do whatever we want. You don’t only have to come over every other weekend and Tuesdays and Thursdays when you’re not working. We’ll be able to see each other more, you’ll see more of my life. It’ll be good.”

“Okay.”

“Because if you think about- wait, what? Really?” I’m feeling the grin creep up on me but I try to push it down until I get confirmation.

“I love you.” Well now I don’t know if the grin will ever go away. I pull her against me and kiss the hell out of her. We’re both a little breathless when we pull away.

“I love you too.” I tell her and her smile is worth all of this.

  
  
  


_ Donna POV _

 

I’ve lost count of the times that I have changed my outfit. I am out of my mind with nerves. Why?

Well, somehow I fell in love with a man with three ex-wives! And now I’m going to a painting class with them. Apparently, there’s wine involved. I’ve been told this is a tradition of their’s. Once a month, the kids go to Josh’s on a Wednesday night and the three of them get together for girl time. Which I am now intruding on.

It’s been a week since Josh and I said ‘I love you’ and it’s driving me a little crazy. When I’m with him, it’s a great feeling. I’ve only ever done the whole love thing once before and  _ that _ didn’t turn out so well. It’s a whole new level intimacy that I didn’t think I was ready for but needed.

But the days when we aren’t together… those days I freak out a bit. There are still so many things that could go wrong! He still doesn’t know what either of my jobs are. He has never seen the inside of this apartment. He hasn’t met any of my friends. Not for lack of them trying of course. Meg and Ginger are chomping at the bit to meet him. I’m not so sure Josh is ready for all of that.

And as much as I keep at arm’s length with him, I’m getting better with opening up to him. Mainly because of how happy he gets every time I do. I’ve told him more about my mother and I told him stories about high school. I told him about how I ran over my neighbor’s cat when I was sixteen and cried for days and refused to drive for months. I told him about moving to New York City for six months after college and leaving after I woke up to a rat in my bed.

He told me more stories about his ex-wives. How he and CJ were virgins when they decided to say screw it, we can’t graduate college as virgins. Hence, Hogan. How Mandy and CJ used to fight constantly until Mandy got pregnant with the twins and chilled out a little. A little. Not much. He told me about the look on Joey’s face when she first met Kenny and how it first cut like a knife but he knew Joey and Kenny would never do anything about their feelings. Which is why when Kenny tried to quit Josh told Joey that he knew, that he wasn’t upset, and that he was okay with her and Kenny. Joey had fought him on it at first but she got sad without Kenny around- even with Peter around as a new baby. Josh pushed her on it and eventually just brought home divorce papers and she’d cried but agreed. I was kind of amazed by Josh. I asked him if he’d been in love with Joey. He said that he thought so at the time but after watching Kenny and after meeting me, he didn’t think so now. 

He also told me about his sister and his dad who passed away. That night we had slow, gentle, caring sex while whispering that we loved each other. That morning I told my father. Not the more gory details but generally. I was glad I hadn’t gone into more detail because Josh was pissed on my behalf. Which was equal parts sweet and horrible because it felt a little too close to pity. He told me that was ridiculous, that it wasn’t pity. It’s just that he wishes I didn’t have to go through that, that he can’t imagine how my father could be so uncaring about his own daughter. I just hugged him and told him he was one of the good ones.

The morning that we’d said I love you, I had also met Warren. He’s a weird kid. And he’s absolutely going to be bullied in high school. But he was such a dork, I couldn’t help it. He’s damn lovable. It wasn’t nearly as awkward as I thought. Any awkward silences were staved off by his unending questions about… everything. He had a lot of questions about Canada. Also about karaoke- remembering my lie about I met his dad. Josh had coughed to cover his laugh at that.

Warren stayed home while Josh drove me back to my apartment which I was glad that he was old enough to stay home alone. I feel weird about Josh seeing where I live. It’d be much worse if his children saw where I live. But what’s even worse? One of the ex-wives seeing where I live. CJ had offered to come pick me up for tonight’s painting and wine thing which I had adamantly told Josh to politely refuse. He told me I shouldn’t be so worried about CJ and I rolled my eyes. I can deal with Mandy. She’s well, mean. I can deal with mean. I can deal with Joey. She and Josh are two people with kids who had an amicable divorce. What I can’t deal with is his best friend, ex-wife, work wife. She’s where the pressure is! I don’t know how Josh doesn’t see that.

I drive my beaten down 2000 Camry into an upscale part of Georgetown. My car does  _ not _ fit in with the rest of the cars in parking lot. I push down the image and walk in to the Painting with A Twist store with my head held at a medium level.

I spot CJ first. She’s tall and easy to spot. She’s in jeans and a nice sweater. I’m also in jeans and an alright sweater. Next to her is a very pregnant Joey. Joey sees me first and she waves me over. Mandy looks behind her, at me. Her eyes carry a tone of reproach that make me want to go shrink inside my Camry. Maybe I was wrong to underestimate Mandy.

But there’s no running away now. So I take art smock and canvas that an employee hands me and go over to greet them. My boyfriend’s three ex-wives, the gatekeepers of his family.

**Author's Note:**

> Character guide:  
> Josh: dad of five kids  
> Donna: young hot new girlfriend  
> CJ: wife #1 (i know i know, all will be explained tho it’ll make sense)  
> Mandy: wife #2  
> Joey: wife #3  
> Kenny: Joey’s husband (#2) & interpreter  
> Amy: almost wife #3 (failed engagement)(not in this scene of course)  
> Hogan: CJ+Josh’s only child, 17  
> Warren & Hillary: Mandy+Josh’s twins, 13  
> Bert: Joey+Josh’s adopted son, 8  
> Peter: Joey+Josh’s adopted son, 5


End file.
